My family and I recently moved to Florida from Louisiana. Being a prior military family, this is not the first time we have moved to a new state for my husband’s career. In over 20 years of marriage, my husband and I have made ten moves across five states. Six of these moves have included kids. As part of these moves, I have come to love “cleaning out” my house and giving away or donating items we no longer need or use.

When it comes to food, exercise, and my body, my eating disorder mindset of 32 years fights against the “clean out” of the lies it has believed for so long. It tries to convince me that I am safer if I remain in control by adhering to what culture says is acceptable in these areas. Cultural messages that constantly tell me I will find peace and happiness once I attain a certain weight, or keep a certain diet, or pursue a certain exercise plan. It has only been within the last several years when I stumbled across FINDINGbalance and began listening to the Old School F...

If someone had asked me 5 years ago if I would be writing something like this, I would have answered a big "No way!" I never dreamed this would be a part of my life, or my family’s life yet here I am. I’m wondering if any of you reading can relate to that thought as well. So, before I get going just FYI, I am not a writer, but I absolutely love to talk to people, so I am going to imagine that we’re getting together for a coffee or standing around in my kitchen because you know that’s where the conversations happen!

My young adult daughter is currently in recovery from an eating disorder. One that she suffered and struggled with alone for 5 years before a diagnosis, which looking back all the signs were there. The medical community failed her repeatedly. She had multiple injuries as a distance runner that they just could not figure out. When I told her primary care doctor that I thought she had an eating disorder, he told me no she does not, she is just doing too much. What?!!! Look...

As long as I remember, I’ve struggled with body image, and I believed I was fat. I was constantly comparing myself with others, and finding my value in what I believed *they believed* about me.

As I entered high school, I began to make changes that led me down a path of disordered eating.

In January of 2016, I was hospitalized for anorexia nervosa. I spent 7 weeks in the hospital. During this time, I began counseling, often with my parents present. That started the journey of recovery, but I was mostly unwilling on my part; it was forced by my parents and I only consented as long as it enabled me to do what I wanted to do.

I entered a “mostly recovered” state, which I lived in for a long time. This involved extremely strict rules about food and exercise, and an obsession with performance. It may have been healthier than previous behavior, yet still not a healthy way to live.

I certainly was not walking in freedom.

In the fall of 2022, I reached another rock-bottom place. I reco...

“Mom, I think I have an eating disorder.”

My daughter knew that I had struggled with an ED as a teen, and she was coming to me for help. I was glad that she told me, yet this hit me hard.

At fourteen, I’d spent nine months of my life in a residential treatment facility behind a door that swung shut and locked when we entered (terrifying!) Hearing that my girl was struggling felt like she was implying that I'd been doing something wrong; maybe she had gotten a message from me that her body needed to be different.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed because I thought I had done a good job of “getting over” my ED; I thought I was setting a good example of how to be “healthy.”

Now I was confused and anxious.

I found a therapist and a dietician for my daughter, and before long, the therapist told us that she'd need an intensive treatment program (partial hospitalization PHP). I fought this tooth & nail; anything to keep her in school for the next semester, anything to keep her out of tha...

”…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.“ -Hebrews 12:2 NASB 1995

I recall when I was in the throes of an eating disorder, and was daily living in a shame cycle. Shame that was so heavy I couldn’t bear to look my Friend, Jesus, in the eyes.

Until one day, my counselor gave me the advice to invite Jesus into the pit with me. The next night, with an ounce of courage, armed with the faith given to me by my Savior Jesus Christ, I extended an invitation to Him. I said, “Jesus, I'm tired. I can’t stop these behaviors. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, so I invite You to sit with me.” 

Even after this invitation, I didn’t change my behaviors that night. However, I did envision my Friend Jesus sitting with me, and from then on, I was no longer alone. I continued to fix my eyes on Jesus throughout my recovery, “despising the shame” that...