As long as I remember, I’ve struggled with body image, and I believed I was fat. I was constantly comparing myself with others, and finding my value in what I believed *they believed* about me.
As I entered high school, I began to make changes that led me down a path of disordered eating.
In January of 2016, I was hospitalized for anorexia nervosa. I spent 7 weeks in the hospital. During this time, I began counseling, often with my parents present. That started the journey of recovery, but I was mostly unwilling on my part; it was forced by my parents and I only consented as long as it enabled me to do what I wanted to do.
I entered a “mostly recovered” state, which I lived in for a long time. This involved extremely strict rules about food and exercise, and an obsession with performance. It may have been healthier than previous behavior, yet still not a healthy way to live.
I certainly was not walking in freedom.
In the fall of 2022, I...
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