As long as I remember, I’ve struggled with body image, and I believed I was fat. I was constantly comparing myself with others, and finding my value in what I believed *they believed* about me.

As I entered high school, I began to make changes that led me down a path of disordered eating.

In January of 2016, I was hospitalized for anorexia nervosa. I spent 7 weeks in the hospital. During this time, I began counseling, often with my parents present. That started the journey of recovery, but I was mostly unwilling on my part; it was forced by my parents and I only consented as long as it enabled me to do what I wanted to do.

I entered a “mostly recovered” state, which I lived in for a long time. This involved extremely strict rules about food and exercise, and an obsession with performance. It may have been healthier than previous behavior, yet still not a healthy way to live.

I certainly was not walking in freedom.

In the fall of 2022, I reached another rock-bottom place. I reco...

“Mom, I think I have an eating disorder.”

My daughter knew that I had struggled with an ED as a teen, and she was coming to me for help. I was glad that she told me, yet this hit me hard.

At fourteen, I’d spent nine months of my life in a residential treatment facility behind a door that swung shut and locked when we entered (terrifying!) Hearing that my girl was struggling felt like she was implying that I'd been doing something wrong; maybe she had gotten a message from me that her body needed to be different.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed because I thought I had done a good job of “getting over” my ED; I thought I was setting a good example of how to be “healthy.”

Now I was confused and anxious.

I found a therapist and a dietician for my daughter, and before long, the therapist told us that she'd need an intensive treatment program (partial hospitalization PHP). I fought this tooth & nail; anything to keep her in school for the next semester, anything to keep her out of tha...