In preparation for writing this post, I pulled out old journals from the time when I struggled with food and body image issues the most. The war that was waging in my mind was so evident on those pages. I desperately wanted to be free, but I was stuck in a cycle of thinking and behaviors that had me trapped.

In those pages, I routinely pleaded with God to heal me and take away my struggles. One entry from March of 2010 says “What is going on with me? Why do I binge eat? What am I trying to feel? I hate doing this. I so desperately want to change. God, I need Your help. I can’t change without You. Even though my faith is weak, please help me. I don’t want my life to revolve around food.”

At the time that I was writing those words, I was a new mom of 18-month-old twin boys, and I had a loving and supportive husband so practically speaking, life was good. Yet my mind was consumed with my weight and how much I ate and how much I exercised. Those journal pages would continue to be filled ...

In 2019, one month before my 57^th birthday, I entered a partial hospitalization program (PHP) for anorexia. I will never forget my first day at the Eating Disorder Treatment Center.

I was greeted warmly and escorted to a room where my blood pressure and weight were measured. For the first time, I was instructed to step on the scale backwards; something I learned is called a “blind weigh-in.” I was not allowed to know my weight, my blood pressure, or my pulse. I was told that the discussion of numbers wasn’t allowed.

I couldn’t know my numbers. They are my numbers. I needed those numbers. Those numbers were my coordinates. They told me who and where I was in the world.

Distracted by what the numbers might have been, I was ushered to a large room with big windows. I sat down in the midst of 20 and 30-year-old girls chatting and commenting on the previous evening’s activities.

Small tears tattled on the mayhem ensuing in my stomach. My head felt like an anvil.

It wasn’t long befor...

It was a downright heavy day, and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Nothing in my life seemed overly difficult. I simply couldn’t find an explanation for the heavy feelings of dread, self-loathing, and hopelessness that consumed me out of nowhere. I was sobbing as I grabbed my prayer journal to process this with Jesus.

“Lord, I feel like I’m being full-on attacked through a beratement of lies! I know this isn’t Your truth and it doesn’t even sound like me, so I’m bringing it to You to help me through it. I’m crying because I feel ugly, gross, and unworthy to exist or take up space in the world. I feel I’m a waste, and that no one can stand how large my body has become. I feel like a disappointment to myself, family, my team, and to You. I feel that my husband and family deserve better. It feels like this will never improve. Despite all my recovery efforts, it doesn’t seem to make a difference in my body and I FEEL OVER IT.”

Now, before contacting my team out of concern (and thank you if t...

“Eleutheria.”

That's the transliteration of the Greek word for “freedom”, used in the FINDINGbalance key verse Galatians 5:1, which says "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” (ESV) In context, this verse is actually about whether we should be living under the Mosaic law and thereby be saved by it (impossible!), or whether we should be saved by Christ and see Him as the fulfillment of the law.

There are so many implications of the freedom talked about in this verse; the point of freedom is not just about what we are saved from. It is about what we are set free for.

We are set free to live for Christ; to live the life He calls each of us to.

Before discussing this freedom, I want to share an anecdotal thought. It seems to me that different people can be prone to having insecurities about specific parts of their bodies. For me, I can find myself struggling with my thighs. Some time ago while I was on mission in a h...