Maybe You’re Not Going Crazy
It was a downright heavy day, and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Nothing in my life seemed overly difficult. I simply couldn’t find an explanation for the heavy feelings of dread, self-loathing, and hopelessness that consumed me out of nowhere. I was sobbing as I grabbed my prayer journal to process this with Jesus.
“Lord, I feel like I’m being full-on attacked through a beratement of lies! I know this isn’t Your truth and it doesn’t even sound like me, so I’m bringing it to You to help me through it. I’m crying because I feel ugly, gross, and unworthy to exist or take up space in the world. I feel I’m a waste, and that no one can stand how large my body has become. I feel like a disappointment to myself, family, my team, and to You. I feel that my husband and family deserve better. It feels like this will never improve. Despite all my recovery efforts, it doesn’t seem to make a difference in my body and I FEEL OVER IT.”
Now, before contacting my team out of concern (and thank you if the thought crossed your mind), I’m good, I’m safe, and I don’t believe any of those things! The thoughts didn’t last more than a couple of days and I recognize they were straight-up lies from the pit of hell. I know the enemy lies about body size, and God’s truth leads to freedom. I understand the more we hide, the less we heal, and that’s why I brought it to Jesus!
Eating disorder recovery is a challenge at any age, and recovery during midlife can feel even more daunting when going through perimenopause and menopause. Fluctuating estrogen levels cause unexpected waves of emotion. We have estrogen receptors all over our bodies, which means the hormonal transition can have a head-to-toe effect in so many ways it can make your head spin and have you questioning your sanity.
Turns out I’m not crazy, just perimenopausal!
After bringing those lies to Jesus, He led me to this verse:
“We destroy argument and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” - 2 Corinthians 10:5 (ESV)
Okay, now! That’s the Jesus I know! Meeting me right where I’m at, providing exactly what I need.
When Satan sees an entry point, an area of weakness, he’ll go there. Especially when you’re stepping out in faith trusting the One True God for freedom from a yoke of slavery. In those moments we must remember that, as believers, we have authority in Christ Jesus over all the power of the enemy (Luke 10:19); authority to destroy arguments and EVERY lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God… authority to take EVERY thought captive to obey Christ.
Perimenopause and menopause are not the end of the world! There are plenty of treatment options, both holistic and medicinal. And you don’t have to walk this journey alone. Jesus truly cares about what you’re going through.
So, whether you slap on an estrogen patch or slather on the cream, don’t forget to put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) before you enter the battle!
- Chrissy Kirkman
FINDINGbalance Executive Director. Old School Food Freedom Podcast Host. Bonus Mom. Worship Leader. Animal Voice-Over Specialist. Freedom Fighter. Overcomer.
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If you could use connection and prayer support, explore our FINDINGbalance Prayer Groups.
Source: (1) “The Complete List of Menopause Symptoms At Every Stage and Age” Jessica Migala, Midi, February 14, 2025
