I was 8 years old when I got my first look at pornography. 

It was way before the internet, and at that time, this type of book would either come through the mail in a plain brown wrapper or be purchased at an adult bookshop. I can’t tell you how my parents got them, I know it was easy to find them in their closet.

With a bit of effort, I would climb onto an open drawer and up to the top shelf where the stack of “picture books” were. And on stay-at-home days, if my mom was working and out of the house, this was a ritual, something I anticipated. This was the pattern until I was 19 and accepted the Lord. I actually took them with me when I moved out, and then dumped them in a dumpster, like a sacrifice.

At 8 years old, I had no idea what these feelings were going on in my body as I looked at the pictures, but I did know that when I grew up, I would look just like those beautiful women, with large breasts and curvy hips and make-up and manicured nails.

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On the journey to recovery, we face hills and valleys, setbacks and victories, lessons and testimonies. I found it helpful to start by asking Jesus to help me see my false beliefs about food, my body, myself, and God, and replace them with His Truth. While that unraveling process continues today, I became freer with each lie He exposed. After a couple of years, Jesus placed people in my life that helped me learn how to nourish my body and pair foods in ways that brought me happiness, helped me stay fueled, and made me feel better physically and mentally.

Eventually, the day came when I desired to be more intentional to move my body with joy. Almost daily, I found myself lost in thoughts of what that might look like. Sometimes I felt excited and ready to start a gym membership, yet other times I imagined horrific scenes of people staring at me, talking about me, giving disapproving looks, and calling me out for any number of reasons I didn't belong at the gym. I...

Summer is upon us, and with it comes a whole slurry of emotions; the excitement and energy of more free time mixed with anxiety and uncertainty of schedule changes. Right in the middle of that is the reality that seasonal changes also mean wardrobe changes. For those of us struggling with body image issues, this brings a whole separate set of emotions as well.

Yesterday, I took the plunge and dug out my summer clothes. As I looked through each item in the box, I remembered when I last wore it and how it made me feel. Some items were from last year but there were also several that I hadn’t worn in years and still kept, "just in case someday I fit in this again.” Not anymore! I was tired of waiting and hoping. The dream of the “one day body" was keeping me from enjoying my “today body". I was over it, so I bagged up all the clothes that no longer fit me.

Even with this new resolution in my spirit, the lies that bombarded my heart were...

Diet culture boggles my mind.

Over the months of her first year of life, I experienced some very negative comments and lies about my daughter's beautiful baby chub. She has a lovely, wise body, which stored away as much chub as it knew it needed to support her growth and development.

As a baby who was exclusively breastfed up to 6 months, and continued to be breastfed alongside solids beyond that point, I know my child's body has been given ample support to grow strong and healthy.

This isn't a criticism of people who feed their children differently, it's just a fact that you can trust your child is getting exactly the amount they need when they have been breastfed like mine - at least, that is what professionals have told me.

I find it very sad that I already find myself needing to defend a body's wisdom in a child who was not even a year old. We live in a culture fixated on controlling bodies in a way that is simply not healthy or good.

I know this is a complex and nuanced...

Moving your body and eating can be worshipful when motivated by freedom, not shame. And living in freedom isn’t about ignoring or neglecting our bodies but shepherding them with grace and love.

Instead of moving and eating to become someone new, what if you move and eat to come home to yourself?

Consider the story of the prodigal son. He left home and spent his inheritance on things that didn't satisfy or last, only to be let down, experiencing a new level of hunger, and feeling remorseful about his choices. Then, a severe famine hit the entire country, and he was in desperate need.

He found a job feeding pigs and hit a new low when his hunger became so great that he longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating. He dreamed of coming home, pleading for his father's forgiveness and acceptance.

One day, he headed home. When his father saw him coming, he was FILLED WITH LOVE AND COMPASSION, ran to him, threw his arms around his neck, and embraced him!...

Welcome to the FINDINGbalance FREEdom Blog!

Today, we’re doing a “soft launch,” which means we’re putting it out there but not everything is final for this space. Currently, there will be two blog postings a month, each one alternating with our Old School Food Freedom podcast, and we hope to have more frequent releases as time goes on and as more bloggers join us.

We have writers from across the world, of all ages, ED experiences, recovery experiences, and life experiences! They’ll be writing from a place of hope, about enriching your relationship with God and encouraging you in your walk to FREEdom. As one of our prayer group leaders said, “May the Lord use each one to help others heal and strengthen their faith walk”, and that's why we're here.

If you, or someone you know, love to write and encourage others, please send them this link to our Blog Ministry Guidelines. This too is a work-in-progress as we...