From "Gym" to "Spiritual Warfare Training Ground"
On the journey to recovery, we face hills and valleys, setbacks and victories, lessons and testimonies. I found it helpful to start by asking Jesus to help me see my false beliefs about food, my body, myself, and God, and replace them with His Truth. While that unraveling process continues today, I became freer with each lie He exposed. After a couple of years, Jesus placed people in my life that helped me learn how to nourish my body and pair foods in ways that brought me happiness, helped me stay fueled, and made me feel better physically and mentally.
Eventually, the day came when I desired to be more intentional to move my body with joy. Almost daily, I found myself lost in thoughts of what that might look like. Sometimes I felt excited and ready to start a gym membership, yet other times I imagined horrific scenes of people staring at me, talking about me, giving disapproving looks, and calling me out for any number of reasons I didn't belong at the gym. I was afraid to be around toned, slim bodies. What if I was out of breath and people noticed? Would I fall back into a shameful, rigid, "no-days-off" mentality?
And what if I noticed my body changing, getting smaller... would I be able to withstand the same old traps the devil has set before me so many times? What if I received compliments for losing weight? What if people feel hurt or concerned that my body has changed?
Overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear, I fell at the feet of Jesus and asked Him to give me clarity. He showed me that all these fears were rooted in the fact that I simply didn't know the gym apart from the context of weight loss, punishment, and diet culture… and fear was holding me captive.
On my birthday, I decided to trust Jesus, be brave, and join the gym again. He showed me many reasons to move my body that had NOTHING to do with my size. Reasons like:
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It's great for my mental health; it helps regulate my mood, decrease stress, and bring feelings of general well-being.
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My body will feel better and my singing will improve as lung capacity increases.
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It will help me find balance in my work day so I’m no longer sitting for long periods of time doing work I love.
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It's nice to get out of the house and have more time with Jesus.
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I can listen to scripture and sermons that help me put on my full armor of God and get ready for battle.
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It feels good to be around people; too much isolation isn’t good.
And there are many more I haven’t listed. So, what would you add to your list?
Side note: It’s been three months since I re-joined the gym and I haven’t fallen into the traps the enemy set before me. Nothing I worried about has happened! I’m gentle with myself, nothing has felt rigid, it’s enjoyable, and the gym has become my spiritual warfare training ground where I work things out with Jesus. Oh, and get this - people have mostly paid attention to doing their own thing and don’t even notice what I’m doing. And if they do notice, I would be honored to share about the One Who can help them know TRUE FREEDOM!
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9 NIV
FINDINGbalance Executive Director. Old School Food Freedom Podcast Host. Bonus Mom. Worship Leader. Animal Voice-Over Specialist. Freedom Fighter. Overcomer.
FINDINGbalance is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization providing non-clinical support and encouragement to those battling food issues. The contents of this blog article, including any attachments, are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe a particular course of action. If you or someone you care about is battling an eating disorder, please seek care from a licensed professional. If you are in crisis and need immediate support, please call, text, or chat 988 to speak with someone at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 24/7.
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