I sit in the rolling chair at Sadie’s nail station and get myself comfortable. I always look forward to this bi-monthly treat! Sadie comes out from the break room and sits down, throws out a “hi” and we exchange pleasantries- about how it’s been seven weeks since I last saw her, and since that was just before Valentine's Day, I ask if she did anything special. She doesn’t answer me, and then I realize she’s got one side of her earphones in and she might be listening to something; unfortunately, this is the usual routine, so I just let her do her work. Why do I hope this will change?

Several minutes pass. I ask, “Do you think of yourself as an artist?“ No response. I do think Sadie is an artist because she makes my hands look pretty and my nails neat, fresh, and colorful. My hands have always been a part of my body that I don’t like. Maybe this is why I used to walk with my hands balled in a fist- hiding my fingers &...

I’m going to date myself here, but early in my marriage, we used to watch an evening game show called “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”. The contestants were asked questions, and with each correct answer, they earned more money in hopes of reaching the million. The more questions you got correct, the harder they got. If the question was too hard, or they found themselves doubting the answer, there was help. Fortunately, they could turn to one of three ‘lifelines’ for assistance, and more times than not they turned to the “phone-a-friend” option. If chosen, they could call a friend and ask them what the answer was.  

How often have you been faced with a moment in your day or week when you didn’t have the answer? Maybe you were sitting under the weight of overwhelm from circumstances beyond your control, needing to make a big decision, or your mind was wanting to do what you knew was the right thing but your spirit felt...

As you feel, you heal, and to heal, you must feel.

Many times, eating disorders, or disordered eating, stem from a desperate grasp for control. Parts of our lives are so painful that we numb our hearts and then look to control other areas of our lives. The result is the inability to feel coupled with hope; feeling that security is out of reach. 

Healing comes with feeling. Opening our hearts to feeling again can be scary. I feel more deeply now than I did last year, last month. Sometimes the things we feel can catch us off guard. A casual comment from a friend that she forgot our plans led me to gut-wrenching sobs. The pain from my childhood of feeling overlooked, and the lies that came with it, gripped my soul and threatened to tear it apart. Feelings from the past of hurt, anger, and shame resurface with unparalleled intensity. Yet, I must go there. As much as my heart aches and longs to go numb, I need to feel that pain. More than that, I need to grieve for that...