As you feel, you heal, and to heal, you must feel.

Many times, eating disorders, or disordered eating, stem from a desperate grasp for control. Parts of our lives are so painful that we numb our hearts and then look to control other areas of our lives. The result is the inability to feel coupled with hope; feeling that security is out of reach. 

Healing comes with feeling. Opening our hearts to feeling again can be scary. I feel more deeply now than I did last year, last month. Sometimes the things we feel can catch us off guard. A casual comment from a friend that she forgot our plans led me to gut-wrenching sobs. The pain from my childhood of feeling overlooked, and the lies that came with it, gripped my soul and threatened to tear it apart. Feelings from the past of hurt, anger, and shame resurface with unparalleled intensity. Yet, I must go there. As much as my heart aches and longs to go numb, I need to feel that pain. More than that, I need to grieve for that...