Hurting and Healing
As you feel, you heal, and to heal, you must feel.
Many times, eating disorders, or disordered eating, stem from a desperate grasp for control. Parts of our lives are so painful that we numb our hearts and then look to control other areas of our lives. The result is the inability to feel coupled with hope; feeling that security is out of reach.
Healing comes with feeling. Opening our hearts to feeling again can be scary. I feel more deeply now than I did last year, last month. Sometimes the things we feel can catch us off guard. A casual comment from a friend that she forgot our plans led me to gut-wrenching sobs. The pain from my childhood of feeling overlooked, and the lies that came with it, gripped my soul and threatened to tear it apart. Feelings from the past of hurt, anger, and shame resurface with unparalleled intensity. Yet, I must go there. As much as my heart aches and longs to go numb, I need to feel that pain. More than that, I need to grieve for that lonely little girl. She's buried deep in my heart, but she's still alive and deserves my attention. So, I let the tears flow and I let the emotions rage because I so desperately want to heal.
In those moments of swirling emotions, there is also one other intense feeling we will miss if we don't look for it....it's the feeling of His presence. Our Father has not changed; the magnitude of His love and His presence in our lives has not changed. What has changed is our hearts and our ability to sense His presence in a deeper more intimate way than ever before. He had been there with that little girl years ago. He was there holding her, and His tears of compassion fell on her hair. She was just too numb to feel Him, and that's OK. He is here now, too. The loving arms of the Father hold us tight as we bravely let ourselves begin to feel. As our hearts open, His love seeps in. At the intersection of deep pain and Magnificent Love, healing occurs.
Be still and know that I am God. -Psalm 46:10
- Tammy Boyd
FINDINGbalance Prayer Group Coordinator & Group Leader. Mom of Boys. Family Chauffeur. Lover of Laughter. Community Creator. Freedom Chaser. Overcomer.
FINDINGbalance is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization providing non-clinical support and encouragement to those battling food issues. The contents of this blog article, including any attachments, are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe a particular course of action. If you or someone you care about is battling an eating disorder, please seek care from a licensed professional. If you are in crisis and need immediate support, please call, text, or chat 988 to speak with someone at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 24/7.
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