As you feel, you heal, and to heal, you must feel.

Many times, eating disorders, or disordered eating, stem from a desperate grasp for control. Parts of our lives are so painful that we numb our hearts and then look to control other areas of our lives. The result is the inability to feel coupled with hope; feeling that security is out of reach. 

Healing comes with feeling. Opening our hearts to feeling again can be scary. I feel more deeply now than I did last year, last month. Sometimes the things we feel can catch us off guard. A casual comment from a friend that she forgot our plans led me to gut-wrenching sobs. The pain from my childhood of feeling overlooked, and the lies that came with it, gripped my soul and threatened to tear it apart. Feelings from the past of hurt, anger, and shame resurface with unparalleled intensity. Yet, I must go there. As much as my heart aches and longs to go numb, I need to feel that pain. More than that, I need to grieve for that...

Moving your body and eating can be worshipful when motivated by freedom, not shame. And living in freedom isn’t about ignoring or neglecting our bodies but shepherding them with grace and love.

Instead of moving and eating to become someone new, what if you move and eat to come home to yourself?

Consider the story of the prodigal son. He left home and spent his inheritance on things that didn't satisfy or last, only to be let down, experiencing a new level of hunger, and feeling remorseful about his choices. Then, a severe famine hit the entire country, and he was in desperate need.

He found a job feeding pigs and hit a new low when his hunger became so great that he longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating. He dreamed of coming home, pleading for his father's forgiveness and acceptance.

One day, he headed home. When his father saw him coming, he was FILLED WITH LOVE AND COMPASSION, ran to him, threw his arms around his neck, and embraced him!...