My family and I recently moved to Florida from Louisiana. Being a prior military family, this is not the first time we have moved to a new state for my husband’s career. In over 20 years of marriage, my husband and I have made ten moves across five states. Six of these moves have included kids. As part of these moves, I have come to love “cleaning out” my house and giving away or donating items we no longer need or use.

When it comes to food, exercise, and my body, my eating disorder mindset of 32 years fights against the “clean out” of the lies it has believed for so long. It tries to convince me that I am safer if I remain in control by adhering to what culture says is acceptable in these areas. Cultural messages that constantly tell me I will find peace and happiness once I attain a certain weight, or keep a certain diet, or pursue a certain exercise plan. It has only been within the last several years when I stumbled across FINDINGbalance and began listening to the Old School F...

“Mom, I think I have an eating disorder.”

My daughter knew that I had struggled with an ED as a teen, and she was coming to me for help. I was glad that she told me, yet this hit me hard.

At fourteen, I’d spent nine months of my life in a residential treatment facility behind a door that swung shut and locked when we entered (terrifying!) Hearing that my girl was struggling felt like she was implying that I'd been doing something wrong; maybe she had gotten a message from me that her body needed to be different.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed because I thought I had done a good job of “getting over” my ED; I thought I was setting a good example of how to be “healthy.”

Now I was confused and anxious.

I found a therapist and a dietician for my daughter, and before long, the therapist told us that she'd need an intensive treatment program (partial hospitalization PHP). I fought this tooth & nail; anything to keep her in school for the next semester, anything to keep her out of tha...

Am I going nuts?

Am I losing my mind?

Why doesn't anyone understand what I’m talking about?

There’s a war going on in my head, and everyone smiles and says, “That’s normal.”

What’s going on here?!

These were the questions that ran through my head daily. I felt so misunderstood, so alone and ashamed of my struggles. Nobody in my world felt the intensity of my struggle. I knew I wasn’t okay and just wished I could go into hiding.

Then a friend introduced me to FINDINGbalance, their Lasting Freedom course, and their prayer groups. I viewed the Lasting Freedom course, and for the first time, people put words to the war inside my head; better yet, they spoke about it with HOPE! They had been where I was and there was a way out! 

In the prayer group, I was nervous to speak about my struggle because these were live people. What would they think of me? To my surprise, they were nodding in agreement as I spoke, and saying “Me, too.” 

I was shocked; there are others that struggled lik...