FREEdom Story: No Longer Alone

“Mom, I think I have an eating disorder.”

My daughter knew that I had struggled with an ED as a teen, and she was coming to me for help. I was glad that she told me, yet this hit me hard.

At fourteen, I’d spent nine months of my life in a residential treatment facility behind a door that swung shut and locked when we entered (terrifying!) Hearing that my girl was struggling felt like she was implying that I'd been doing something wrong; maybe she had gotten a message from me that her body needed to be different.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed because I thought I had done a good job of “getting over” my ED; I thought I was setting a good example of how to be “healthy.”

Now I was confused and anxious.

I found a therapist and a dietician for my daughter, and before long, the therapist told us that she'd need an intensive treatment program (partial hospitalization PHP). I fought this tooth & nail; anything to keep her in school for the next semester, anything to keep her out of that program. I didn’t want her to go through what I went through. I was assured that things had changed with treatment methods and that my daughter could come home at night. That encouraged me.

My husband and I were also at odds about treatment, and we fought a lot. I felt like crying most of the time. The burden of caring for our daughter at home was so much work. I was angry because my daughter wouldn’t follow my “rules” for recovery and getting better, and because my husband wasn’t “on board” with what the therapist recommended.

It was exhausting. 

One evening, while driving home, I shared my struggles with my planning partner of our church women’s groups. She listened and then mentioned I might benefit from joining the “Life is Tough” group she would be leading. This particular group was for women struggling with chronic difficult situations in their family and personal lives. I remember feeling resistant to this idea, and my stomach did a little flip. I hadn’t considered that I too might be that “needy”, and many of the ladies were much older than me; I didn’t feel like I would fit in.

As I considered the idea, I thought, “Maybe she’s right”, and it seemed like a gentle nudge from the Lord, and I decided to give the group a try. 

As I went through the year of getting treatment for my daughter, the group was a blessing to me. The leaders took the time to meet regularly one-on-one; over coffee or lunch, they listened as I talked about my struggles. They shared their experiences of raising their children and were affirming and supportive in their care for me. And they prayed for me. 

I needed this support because things at home were crazy; my daughter was a roller coaster of emotions that exploded in outbursts, door slams, and more intense harmful behaviors. Her lack of cooperation was upsetting to me, and when I had to tell the therapists how things weren’t working, I felt ashamed and scared and doubled down on trying to control her eating, as well as the eating of the rest of my family.

In my mind, I was convinced that if we did what we were supposed to do, we would be “healed.” Our elder daughter rebelled against my rigidity and withdrew from both her sister and me, due to the many conflicts over food and the constant emotional intensity which she found off-putting and scary.

Finally, the day came when our youngest entered a full-day treatment program and began medication. Initially, what had brought fear and apprehension gave way to relief as I surrendered the burden of care to someone else. I was worn out! My daughter’s emotions brought unexpected outbursts and dangerous intensity. From moment to moment, I never knew what was coming next. My husband and I were still at odds over the effectiveness of treatment and the burden of the expense. I remember the therapists asking me from time to time if I was getting adequate support for myself. My mind returned to their words now that things had stabilized.

Months earlier, I had researched Christian treatment options and came across the FINDINGbalance website. I decided to sign up for their next six-week cycle of Prayers for Loved Ones group. What a blessing! The members of my group identified with my situation, having lived through similar struggles themselves, and as we prayed and shared our situations, the Lord worked. We praised God for small victories, and we carried one another’s current needs to Jesus in prayer. Over the next few weeks, as we met I felt safe enough to let my guard down and share how upset I was and how difficult things felt. I wasn’t alone or weird, and others had situations in their families like mine. I could cry and be overwhelmed and be comforted. I could be prayed for by people who also struggled, and I could pray for them, too. This was a welcome oasis amidst what my family was enduring. God formed a bond between these new friends as we prayed and shared and grew in our trust in one another and surrendered to the Lord.

I am thankful that the Lord put it on my heart to seek help and support, and that I listened. It freed me up to care for my family, gave me a place to ask for help when I needed it, and granted permission for me to admit that I couldn’t get through this situation alone. And I praise God for that!

- Anonymous Overcomer!

If you need prayer or community while you are supporting a loved one through an eating disorder, please sign up for our Prayers for Loved Ones group.

If you want to support others, like our "Anonymous Overcomer!", please visit our donate page.

FINDINGbalance is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization providing non-clinical support and encouragement to those battling food issues. The contents of this blog article, including any attachments, are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe a particular course of action. If you or someone you care about is battling an eating disorder, please seek care from a licensed professional. If you are in crisis and need immediate support, please call, text, or chat 988 to speak with someone at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 24/7.

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