The Story of a Girl
There once was a girl who loved to run. She loved to play with her friends. Being active was part of her life - it was fun, pure, and simple. As her teen years approached, something changed. She started to notice the way she looked didn’t match the women she saw on the covers of her favorite magazines or the stars of her favorite TV shows. Was it her? Why didn’t her legs have that same long, lean look? Why didn’t her hair fall the same way? Suddenly, when she looked in the mirror, she no longer saw a girl full of joy. She saw someone who didn’t quite fit; someone who had to earn her place in the world by becoming more. Running became a to-do. Exercise became a must. Her favorite food became what her magazines called a “guilty pleasure.” Titles like “10 Ways to Get Abs,” “15 Secrets to Slim Down in a Week” became her thoughts, her daily “truths.” Somewhere along the way, simple joys got replaced by shame.
The Hidden Chains
My journey has been a long one. I have struggled with eating disorders on and off since I was fourteen. When I came to know the Lord, I expected those struggles to disappear... But they didn’t, they just changed form. I didn’t even realize that my excessive exercising and restrictive eating were neither glorifying to God nor caring for the body He gave me. No matter what I accomplished - races run, goals met - I still wasn’t satisfied. I would fixate on my reflection, tear myself apart, and then search the internet for how to “fix” myself, how to get leaner calves and smaller thighs. My FitBit became my ruler: the measure of whether my day had been “successful.”
Don’t get me wrong. I love Jesus with all my heart. I love serving in His church and pouring into His people, but this part of my life - this hidden obsession - reminds me just how deeply sin can take root in our hearts and habits. Even though I prayed and brought it before the Lord, I thought this was just a part of who I am that I would take to my grave. I knew there was a deeper wound beneath the surface. I didn’t truly believe I could be loved just as I was, I felt I had to earn it through performance, perfection, and striving.
Wakeup Call
After a nasty infection, my health began to decline. I started to collapse multiple times a day. I was admitted to hospital and admitted for ten days. On day four, I lost all feeling in my legs for over eight hours. I’m now in a place with a long-term condition that has no clear cure. I even must use a wheelchair on bad days. But it’s been in these long bedbound hours when I couldn’t run, serve or maintain the pace I once did (even as a pastor’s wife), the Lord gently showed me something life-altering: none of those things I did ever made me more loved by Him.
Loved Because I Am His
In this season of being stripped back, I’ve come to understand - deeply and truly - that I am not loved for what I can do. I am loved simply because I am His. Now, I cherish my body not for its strength, shape, or capability, but because I was bought at a price. I am loved with an everlasting love
The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3. (NIV)
I am enough, not because of me, but because of Him.
The Surrender I Was Afraid Of
For years, I lived as if this was simply part of who I was. I didn’t recognize the building blocks of lies from my past, the subtle messages and silent wounds that had shaped the way I thought about myself. But, as my body has been stripped back, so too have those thoughts. In that place of weakness, Jesus lovingly exposed the lies. One by one, He set me free from some of the deepest chains in my life and, friend, He can do the same in yours too.
A Word for That Young Girl
The world will keep telling you that you’re not enough.
It’ll scream that you need to buy more, lose more, be more, in order to be something. But you are already enough. Not because of what you do but because of what He did. If I could go back and whisper anything to that little girl from the beginning of this story, I would tell her this: “You are loved with an everlasting love. From the very beginning of time, you were known - chosen in Him. He knitted you together in your mother’s womb together for His glory - every curve, every feature, every hair on your head. You are not a mistake. You are not a project to be fixed. You are not too much or not enough. You are His. You are loved.”
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139: 13-14 (NIV)
Final Note
If you have struggled like I have, please hear this: freedom is possible. Jesus doesn’t just want your good days. He wants your whole heart - even the messy parts you’ve kept hidden. His love doesn’t just heal; it makes conquerors out of the broken.
-Danni Fortune
Mother of three boys. Pastor’s wife. Lover of food and nature. Passionate writer. Overcomer.
Did today’s testimony resonate with you? Please know you aren’t alone in these struggles. YOU are the reason we developed Lasting Freedom—a Christ-centered course created to help you walk toward real hope and lasting change with Jesus. Head here to explore the course and see how Lasting Freedom can support your journey.
FINDINGbalance is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization providing non-clinical support and encouragement to those battling food issues. The contents of this blog article, including any attachments, are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe a particular course of action. If you or someone you care about is battling an eating disorder, please seek care from a licensed professional. If you are in crisis and need immediate support, please call, text, or chat 988 to speak with someone at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 24/7
