Shame is like a smothering cocoon; it seems "safe", and it's not. The only way you can emerge from it is to invite someone else into the space so they can help you break the seal. It shines light into where there was only darkness. And once there is a pinhole from sharing (or confessing, which I honestly believe is a deeper, more intimate action), true healing and transformation can result.

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.” -Isaiah 9:2 NIV

I discovered this when I told my husband, after 28 years of marriage, and 32 years of knowing each other, about my past struggles with food & body image. And by making that choice, in 2011, to invite him into that dark, what I thought, ugly space, our relationship deepened and there was more intimacy in our emotional relationship and in our marriage.

I recently lost a friend to an eating disorder. She regularly talked about the guilt & shame she felt over w...

By worldly standards, she isn’t pretty or even cute; the world would say she’s big, awkward, and not smart. I have learned many lessons from my friend “Mary”, a woman I called “sister” for no other reason than we both have April birthdays. She's 3 years older than I am, but developmentally she is closer to the age of 8.

Mary had attended my adapted fitness chair exercise class at a community center for many years. One day, we moved into a room with mirrors across the front wall. I asked the class, “Do you like the mirrors?” And Mary chimed that she loves the mirrors, “I like looking at myself”, and as she said those words, my mind raced and I thought-

“Do I like looking at myself? What makes Mary different? What gives her an attitude of joy, instead of dread to see her reflection?”

Later, I asked everyone to move closer to the edge of their chair, and Mary exclaimed, "I can’t because my butt is too boney." I laughed because I hadn't anticipated anyone commenting on my prompt, and...

”…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.“ -Hebrews 12:2 NASB 1995

I recall when I was in the throes of an eating disorder, and was daily living in a shame cycle. Shame that was so heavy I couldn’t bear to look my Friend, Jesus, in the eyes.

Until one day, my counselor gave me the advice to invite Jesus into the pit with me. The next night, with an ounce of courage, armed with the faith given to me by my Savior Jesus Christ, I extended an invitation to Him. I said, “Jesus, I'm tired. I can’t stop these behaviors. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, so I invite You to sit with me.” 

Even after this invitation, I didn’t change my behaviors that night. However, I did envision my Friend Jesus sitting with me, and from then on, I was no longer alone. I continued to fix my eyes on Jesus throughout my recovery, “despising the shame” that...