In preparation for writing this post, I pulled out old journals from the time when I struggled with food and body image issues the most. The war that was waging in my mind was so evident on those pages. I desperately wanted to be free, but I was stuck in a cycle of thinking and behaviors that had me trapped.

In those pages, I routinely pleaded with God to heal me and take away my struggles. One entry from March of 2010 says “What is going on with me? Why do I binge eat? What am I trying to feel? I hate doing this. I so desperately want to change. God, I need Your help. I can’t change without You. Even though my faith is weak, please help me. I don’t want my life to revolve around food.”

At the time that I was writing those words, I was a new mom of 18-month-old twin boys, and I had a loving and supportive husband so practically speaking, life was good. Yet my mind was consumed with my weight and how much I ate and how much I exercised. Those journal pages would continue to be filled ...

David once wrote, “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings” -Psalm 17:8 (ESV). The Hebrew translated into the phrase “apple of the eye” is “אִישׁוֹן בַּת־עָיִן.” It can be translated more literally as "the little man of the eye," or "the daughter of the eye." It is an expression which simultaneously expresses intimacy and a sense of preciousness. You can only see yourself reflected in someone's eye when you are intimately close to them. The “daughter of the eye” is the pupil of the eye—the most sensitive and precious inner part of it; the most vulnerable and protected part of it. Our Father’s heart for us, through Jesus, is that we are to be the “apple of His eye;” that we are intimate with Him, treasured by Him and protected by Him.

I once heard someone say that intimacy can be described as “into me you see.” It carries significant gravitas in terms of identity—knowing our Creator and being known by Him. Paul wrote, “I count everything as loss because...

“Hi Elizabeth!”  I heard as my daughter and I were shopping in a local chain store. I stopped in my tracks. What? Who said that to my daughter? We just moved to the area and hardly knew anyone, so how could there already be someone who knew my daughter by name in a store around here? And then I looked up and saw her. It was the sweet tween girl from our neighborhood who had played with Elizabeth, just several days before. They had jump roped together outside, just down the street from our house. Her name was Samantha. She went by Sam. She was several years older than my daughter – definitely old enough to be “too cool” to give a 9-year-old the time of day. And yet, Sam had stopped riding her scooter that afternoon when she saw my daughter struggling to jump rope across the street, and she sweetly offered to teach her how to skip rope. She patiently stayed and played with Elizabeth for at least a half hour. And the whole time, I could not get over how kind and polite she was. She was...

Can you imagine that I began my food freedom journey only 1 year ago and I am 70 years old! (It started when I was in grammar school). Talk about carrying a lot of baggage, my bags were very full! I never discussed this with ANYONE (not friend, family, or counselor), I truly lived in a cage with my disordered eating, body image problems, and people pleasing personality.

You would never guess my issues as I am very happily married to a wonderful man for 49 years, have four wonderful sons and four beautiful grandchildren with one new grandbaby on the way – all who bring me nothing but joy. I had a very successful Nursing career for 45 years and I retired 3 years ago. I have always been a faithful Catholic and Christian woman and participated in many ministries at my church. Like I said, no one would ever know my secret. And to be honest with you I really felt like this was all normal because it's really all I ever knew. I felt very safe in my own cage, but I really wasn’t free at all...

It has been 4 years since God delivered me from disordered eating and shame from past trauma that I experienced as a teenager and young adult. Since then, the freedom has been beyond what I could ask or imagine! But to be honest, I still battle with the temptation to revert to old habits and thought patterns. Through the power of surrendering daily to my Deliverer and Defender, He leads me in triumph for His name's sake! 

 I am encouraged by the words in 1 Peter: 

 "So, prepare your minds for action, be completely sober [in spirit—steadfast, self-disciplined, spiritually and morally alert], fix your hope completely on the grace [of God] that is coming to you when Jesus Christ is revealed. [Live] as obedient children [of God]; do not be conformed to the evil desires which governed you in your ignorance [before you knew the requirements and transforming power of the good news regarding salvation]. But like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves in all your conduct [be set a...

In 2019, one month before my 57^th birthday, I entered a partial hospitalization program (PHP) for anorexia. I will never forget my first day at the Eating Disorder Treatment Center.

I was greeted warmly and escorted to a room where my blood pressure and weight were measured. For the first time, I was instructed to step on the scale backwards; something I learned is called a “blind weigh-in.” I was not allowed to know my weight, my blood pressure, or my pulse. I was told that the discussion of numbers wasn’t allowed.

I couldn’t know my numbers. They are my numbers. I needed those numbers. Those numbers were my coordinates. They told me who and where I was in the world.

Distracted by what the numbers might have been, I was ushered to a large room with big windows. I sat down in the midst of 20 and 30-year-old girls chatting and commenting on the previous evening’s activities.

Small tears tattled on the mayhem ensuing in my stomach. My head felt like an anvil.

It wasn’t long befor...

Have you ever had the thought, “If I only could see the big picture, I would be at peace” or “if God would only show me the destination, the path forward would feel so much easier”? I think we have all felt that way at one time or another. High schoolers may feel that way about choosing a college or career path, single people wonder about getting married, and those in recovery long for a timeline and a place of freedom. Inquiring minds want to know, “where are we going? How long will it take? What is the path from here to there? Is that even what I want?” While it is not wrong to want the bigger picture, often that is not how life works. Our human minds yearn for clarity and understanding. We think that if we just had a little more information, it would make all the difference in our journey. God in His love and wisdom knows just the opposite. The truth is our human minds cannot handle a bird’s eye view of our lives.

If God had told me five years ago that I would be leading prayer ...

It was a downright heavy day, and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Nothing in my life seemed overly difficult. I simply couldn’t find an explanation for the heavy feelings of dread, self-loathing, and hopelessness that consumed me out of nowhere. I was sobbing as I grabbed my prayer journal to process this with Jesus.

“Lord, I feel like I’m being full-on attacked through a beratement of lies! I know this isn’t Your truth and it doesn’t even sound like me, so I’m bringing it to You to help me through it. I’m crying because I feel ugly, gross, and unworthy to exist or take up space in the world. I feel I’m a waste, and that no one can stand how large my body has become. I feel like a disappointment to myself, family, my team, and to You. I feel that my husband and family deserve better. It feels like this will never improve. Despite all my recovery efforts, it doesn’t seem to make a difference in my body and I FEEL OVER IT.”

Now, before contacting my team out of concern (and thank you if t...

My family and I recently moved to Florida from Louisiana. Being a prior military family, this is not the first time we have moved to a new state for my husband’s career. In over 20 years of marriage, my husband and I have made ten moves across five states. Six of these moves have included kids. As part of these moves, I have come to love “cleaning out” my house and giving away or donating items we no longer need or use.

When it comes to food, exercise, and my body, my eating disorder mindset of 32 years fights against the “clean out” of the lies it has believed for so long. It tries to convince me that I am safer if I remain in control by adhering to what culture says is acceptable in these areas. Cultural messages that constantly tell me I will find peace and happiness once I attain a certain weight, or keep a certain diet, or pursue a certain exercise plan. It has only been within the last several years when I stumbled across FINDINGbalance and began listening to the Old School F...

If someone had asked me 5 years ago if I would be writing something like this, I would have answered a big "No way!" I never dreamed this would be a part of my life, or my family’s life yet here I am. I’m wondering if any of you reading can relate to that thought as well. So, before I get going just FYI, I am not a writer, but I absolutely love to talk to people, so I am going to imagine that we’re getting together for a coffee or standing around in my kitchen because you know that’s where the conversations happen!

My young adult daughter is currently in recovery from an eating disorder. One that she suffered and struggled with alone for 5 years before a diagnosis, which looking back all the signs were there. The medical community failed her repeatedly. She had multiple injuries as a distance runner that they just could not figure out. When I told her primary care doctor that I thought she had an eating disorder, he told me no she does not, she is just doing too much. What?!!! Look...