I remember well the back-to-school mix of emotions that would fall upon me as summer wound down; I remember the anxiety of seeing people for the first time in months, feeling dread in having to abandon the summer routines I had created for myself, and the discouragement that my summer hadn’t panned out in the perfect way social media portrayed others. 

One summer that sticks out is the one before my senior year of college. I had spent the majority of that summer working hard at recovery and I spent some time in a partial hospitalization program after having already taken off a semester for residential treatment.

In my bubble of that "safe" and recovery-focused world, I felt good. I was proud of the progress I had made and I was excited for the school year to come…until I stepped back on campus. At my dorm, I was greeted with silent reminders that my break hadn’t looked like others'. I was faced with the challenges of living in recovery while...

Just like seasons in nature, there are seasons in life. Sometimes seasons offer safety and predictability, and sometimes they can completely catch us off-guard. The freak snow in April and the hot December day come unexpectedly and disrupt the norm. The same is true in our lives. In my case, it's a prolonged illness that's morphed this summer into something I was not expecting. My visions of day trips with my kids have become hours of watching movies and playing video games. Thoughts of joyfully moving throughout my day have turned into afternoon naps on the couch. It’s not what I wanted for this summer, and that’s difficult. 

In addition to my plans changing, my body has changed too; the lack of movement and the change in my diet have made a difference in how my clothes fit and how I feel in my body. This is more difficult. There was a time a few years ago that this would have set me into a panic. The feeling of being out of control would have consumed me....