Going Back To School While In ED Recovery

I remember well the back-to-school mix of emotions that would fall upon me as summer wound down; I remember the anxiety of seeing people for the first time in months, feeling dread in having to abandon the summer routines I had created for myself, and the discouragement that my summer hadn’t panned out in the perfect way social media portrayed others. 

One summer that sticks out is the one before my senior year of college. I had spent the majority of that summer working hard at recovery and I spent some time in a partial hospitalization program after having already taken off a semester for residential treatment.

In my bubble of that "safe" and recovery-focused world, I felt good. I was proud of the progress I had made and I was excited for the school year to come…until I stepped back on campus. At my dorm, I was greeted with silent reminders that my break hadn’t looked like others'. I was faced with the challenges of living in recovery while back at school, a place that hadn’t held recovery-focused intentions in the past. While my summer was so positive, and while I felt so good just weeks before, the enemy was trying yet again to convince me it was not enough and I needed to return to the pseudo-safe haven of the eating disorder. 

Maybe you spent this summer working hard towards recovery. Or perhaps you wanted to, but it didn’t happen. Or is the enemy trying to sneak in and convince you that you're not enough for whatever way you spent the Summer? When I found myself facing the school year ahead with anxiety and doubt, I tried to keep these three reminders at the forefront of my mind: 

• Recovery can be lonely, and that’s okay.
  Entering back into the “real world” of the school year means entering back into a world where everyone is not on the same path. At times, it felt like I was the only person seeking a healthy, recovery-focused lifestyle and it was isolating. Instead of leaning into isolation and turning to the eating disorder for comfort, I reminded myself to lean into God's immense, unconditional love.
• Recovery can be hard, and that’s okay.
  Recovery will not be perfect because, as humans, we are not perfect. As I entered into that new semester, I certainly stumbled into the imperfections and made mistakes along the way. While I met some days with confidence, others felt almost too hard to endure. But Hebrews 4:16 tells us to “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace in our time of need.” When recovery felt hard, for whatever reason, I reminded myself to seek His mercy rather than seeking the eating disorder. 
• Recovery can feel impossible and that’s okay.
  Experiencing life changes, big or small, always put a glimmer in my mind of feeling recovery was impossible. The eating disorder had become a go-to coping mechanism for so many years, and changing that narrative seemed daunting, but I knew changing that narrative would be worth it. When I felt like things were impossible, Matthew 19:26 would remind me that “with God, all things are possible.” It is a simple reminder because God offers us unwavering love and support, even when things feel anything but simple. 

As you enter this new school year, I encourage you to look past all that is worldly and look towards something greater. Hold these reminders close and continue your walk towards true freedom.

- Taylor Coote, LSW

FINDINGbalance Grant Writer. Licensed Social Worker. Mom of two. Extroverted introvert. Coffee connoisseur. Overcomer.

FINDINGbalance is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization providing non-clinical support and encouragement to those battling food issues. The contents of this blog article, including any attachments, are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe a particular course of action. If you or someone you care about is battling an eating disorder, please seek care from a licensed professional. If you are in crisis and need immediate support, please call, text, or chat 988 to speak with someone at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 24/7.

We’d love to hear your thoughts and comments about our blog articles- how they've helped you or spoke to you about your own journey. You can send an email to our Blog Editor. You can also submit a blog entry through our official FREEdom Blog submission form.