What Occupies Your Thoughts?

My recovery journey started in early 2004 when I met Constance Rhodes, founder of FINDINGbalance, at a public speaking event. Through her talk, I learned that my eating and body image issues didn’t have to be any worse in order to be valid and worthy of getting help. A year or two later, she asked a question that truly stumped me: "What would occupy your thoughts if you didn't think about food (or body image)?" 

Well, 18-ish years later, I’m excited to report I have an answer! Here it goes… these are some of the things that occupy my thoughts:

•  Procuring coffee with my favorite creamer;
•  When/if I can fit in a nap;
•  Work stuff, time management, and managing my energy;
•  Memories of past events, whether trauma, shame, grief, loss, etc., and then releasing that to Jesus; 
•  Who I can connect with today;
•  What snarky, funny memes do I want to send, and to whom;
•  Plans for the weekend- whether I need to rest, do things with people, or both;
•  Pondering what I might be forgetting;
•  How my body is feeling- what hurts and what I need to do to help it feel better;
•  What I want to eat, and sometimes, “Why am I eating this???”;
•  What I need to do today to take care of “Future Amber”; 
•  Jesus stuff.

Did you notice that there are still food- and body-related things on the list? Are you surprised? 

Honestly, it surprised me at first. But then I remembered what people told me about recovery; “it’s about healing the relationship we have with food and our bodies.” I guess I assumed “healing” meant I would stop thinking about food and my body altogether…as if somehow they magically would go *poof* and disappear. Turns out, nope. They don’t. But my thoughts did change and they stopped being all-consuming. 

My thoughts about food are focused on nourishing my body and continuing to eat foods I enjoy. I do my best to honor hunger and respect fullness. When I notice that I’m eating for other reasons, I pause to see what’s really happening. The “extra eating” used to trigger intense emotions and negative self-talk. Over time, I learned that I will often search out food before I recognize thirst, physical pain, sleepiness, and certain emotions. Crazy, right?! Knowing this has helped me dump the judgment and give myself the space to RECOGNIZE and then CHOOSE how I want to meet my underlying need(s). 

As for my body and body image, I live in a larger body which is challenging on many levels. I still wish my body was different. However, I recognize that my past attempts to control my weight and shape caused a lot of harm. I demanded max performance when I over-worked my body on too little fuel and insufficient care. It was an impossible situation. And yet, my body did everything in its power to rise to the occasion. I’m baffled. Amazed. Talk about respect! 

God has put me in charge of caring for my body, not controlling the outcome of how it looks or what it weighs. Now, my thoughts center around learning how to care for my body and help it heal, especially with chronic illness. When I want to focus on my weight and shape, I think about my recovery journey and come back to a place of compassion. It’s my turn to care for my body with the same unwavering dedication she has given and will give to me. 

So, how about you? What occupies your thoughts? Do you have room to think about things other than food and body image? 

Wherever you are on the recovery journey, be patient with the process. Your job is to take steps towards healing your relationship with food and your body. God will take care of the outcome. 

- Amber B.

FINDINGbalance Returning Blogger. Freedom Finder. Chronic Illness Fighter. Sojourner. Avid Napper. Sarcastic, Artsy, Fun-loving, and Aunt to Humans and Fur Creatures alike. Overcomer.

FINDINGbalance is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization providing non-clinical support and encouragement to those battling food issues. The contents of this blog article, including any attachments, are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe a particular course of action. If you or someone you care about is battling an eating disorder, please seek care from a licensed professional. If you are in crisis and need immediate support, please call, text, or chat 988 to speak with someone at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 24/7.