When Community Brings Peace
It was the first night of 6th grade science camp. All through elementary school, I looked forward to this week away from home; it meant I was a big kid, and adventure, and meeting new people from other schools in the county.
Although it was decades ago, I still remember the initial feeling of exhilaration as I walked into the mess hall for dinner wearing my favorite clothes- a pale blue short-sleeved sweater with tiny flowers on it, green corduroy pants, and suede saddle shoes (brown tones, not the black & white version). I sat down at a table for 8. I can’t remember if I sat at this table because it was assigned or if, because I was late, it was the only one with an empty seat, but every face sitting there was new to me.
As I took a seat, one of the boys asked, “Are you a boy or a girl?” I remember laughing it off; I thought my short hair was the height of femininity, I mean, couldn’t they tell by my pretty floral sweater that I was a girl?!
“I think we’ll call you ‘Aardvark’”, said another boy. He reasoned that aardvarks are odd animals and no one knows what they are either. The group told me that this name would follow me for life (it didn’t), but this rather humiliating experience did. I disliked groups, especially groups of people I didn’t know. Parties were out, new classes or schools (or dances) became traumatizing, and I found it difficult to sleep or think for weeks before major change or events, fearing that “less-than” attitude that permeated my thoughts; the fear of people looking at me and analyzing me, especially my body, my flat chest.
Fast forward 40 years to a FINDINGbalance event in 2011. Both my husband & I were concerned about how this conference would affect me and my eating and mental state, as we knew my food issues were rearing their ugly head. I had a healthy respect for both the positive & the negative that might happen with attending; being far from home and with a group of new people was exciting and terrifying, as I had experienced in 6th grade and numerous times since then.
But I discovered that groups were not the issue; it was my head and the thoughts that ran through it- “I’m too old”, “people won’t like me”, “I’m not the same as everyone else”, “no one will understand what I’m going through”. My built-up fear and anxieties about the new surroundings, new people, and being away from my son, only added to my insecurities. However, once there, the Lord taught me a huge lesson; each person I met made me feel safe and assured that I fit in beautifully. The excitement at the event, meeting confident people who were struggling just like me, relieved my fear and relaxed me for the rest of the conference. The transparency and candidness of the presenters, and the openness of the attendees in sharing their own recovery stories, allowed me to feel I belonged, with no judgments. I was not an aardvark in this place or with these people!
This is Community, and I found it within FINDINGbalance and have never left. It’s “come-as-you-are”, and you aren’t alone, not in your struggles or your victories. I also learned on that trip that opening up to my most trusted friend- my husband, was wise and benefitted our marriage and relationship. He never knew the magnitude of my disordered eating, and late one of the nights, when I opened up about what I had been doing, we cried together. Our marriage has deepened since then; he was a major part of my recovery and is now a part of FINDINGbalance as well.
Maybe you’re not ready to share your story with anyone. Maybe your story has been told and that person rejected you or said, as many of my friends did, “You look healthy & fit, you can’t possibly have an eating disorder!” or maybe you’re in a large body and struggling to fit in or embrace your beauty; whatever the case, you can find comfort and freedom in knowing we understand you.
Do you like in-person events and groups? Are you apprehensive about new people and trying new things because you don’t think you fit in? Share with us at FINDINGbalance. Drop me a line and let me know what Community means to you and how we can serve you better.
“For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” -Romans 12:5 NIV
- Amy Schaller
FINDINGbalance Outreach Coordinator. FREEdom Blog Editor. Wife, & Mom of an Adult Child. Retired Personal Trainer. Philanthropist. Novice Ukulele Player. Turkey Lover. Metal Stamper. Overcomer.
FINDINGbalance is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization providing non-clinical support and encouragement to those battling food issues. The contents of this blog article, including any attachments, are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe a particular course of action. If you or someone you care about is battling an eating disorder, please seek care from a licensed professional. If you are in crisis and need immediate support, please call, text, or chat 988 to speak with someone at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 24/7.
We’d love to hear your thoughts and comments about our blog articles- how they've helped you or spoke to you about your own journey. You can send an email to our Blog Editor. You can also submit a blog entry through our official FREEdom Blog submission form.
